Your YES to one thing - means NO other things.
On August 3, 2017 at 12:30 PM, I stepped into a gondola alone in the Mt Pleasant Scenic Valley in Christchurch, New Zealand to get ready to propose to my now wife Caresse. As you can imagine, there were an array of thoughts and feelings that inundated my soul in that moment. Is this really happening? Am I man enough to do this? Will she say yes?
SHE BETTER SAY YES! SOMEBODY HELP ME!
No worries, all went well, and she said yes. The world was excited for us and just a few months later, I stood on an altar in front of hundreds of friends, family members, and a bridal party of 43 people ( no exaggeration) to fulfill the commitment I asked of my now wife just a few months prior in that beautiful mountain range on that frigid afternoon . That commitment was to be her husband. Essentially for me to obtain that title, other than her saying yes, I had to say two simple words, I do.
I do essentially is another a way of saying yes to being her husband. Sounds simple right?
YES IT’S SIMPLE TO SAY THOSE WORDS BUT SIMPLE IS NOT ALWAYS EASY.
You know many of our decisions that we make in life come with us just simply saying yes. And decisions, although amazing, come with more nuances than we could have ever expected when we first made that simple declaration.
See in life, whether it’s something as big as making a decision of who we will marry or something as small and simple as , “What am I going to wear today”, (sorry ladies if that’s not a simple decision for you to make), the truth is for either scenario, your yes to one thing means no to many other things. Again your yes to one thing means no to many other things.
YOUR YES TO SOMETHING IS MORE COMPLEX THAN JUST SAYING YES ITSELF.
Perfect example, my I do to my wife in November 2017 meant not just a yes to being her husband - it meant no to every other woman in the world for the rest of my life. My yes to my wife, meant no to putting myself and my desires first above hers ( I’m still working to be better on that one, y’all got any tips?). My yes to my wife, meant no to late night hangouts with my buddies every night of the week! (But I will add I’m thankful to have a wife who doesn’t care about me having guys' night! Might as well get some brownie points for whenever she reads this!)
But my yes to my wife also meant getting what I always wanted, which was more important than any guys night out or any other woman in the world. My yes meant I got every ounce of the woman that I wanted to be with for the rest of my life.
My yes helped gave me access to the one thing that I had dreamed for, fought for, cried endless nights for, went to counseling for, and prepared a long time for. My yes prepared a way for me to be her husband.
Marriage aside now. 😁 Whatever you want in your life, your yes to trying to obtain that goal comes at the expense of you saying no to many other things.
YOUR YES IS IMPORTANT, BUT YOUR ABILITY TO SAY NO IS THE SECRET WEAPON TO ACHIEVING WHAT YOU WANT.
Your yes to a fit body means no to eating sweets and ice cream all the time. If you workout really hard but you continue to eat really bad, you will not obtain the fitness goal or results you desire, no matter how much you say yes to being fit. In fact your inability to say no may be an indicator to if you really wanted to be fit in the first place.
It’s just realizing and remembering that my yes to one thing means no to many other things.
For you students, your yes to great grades or achieving a new skill set, will come at you saying no to attending every outing you receive an invitation for. And that means saying no to binge watching Netflix and being on Instagram all the time as well.
Your yes to wanting to save money for a new vehicle, means saying no to buying the newest and coolest outfit every paycheck that you get. The list can go on and on, but by now I’m sure you're catching my drift.
YOU CAN’T TRULY SAY YES TO ONE THING AND YET KEEP SAYING YES TO OTHER THINGS. YOU HAVE TO SAY NO!
Your routines and disciplines will have to change to make room for all the news goals that you desire. If not, your yes to everything at some point over time will leave you frustrated, heartbroken and in a constant cycle of failure. Or even worse, it can make you believe lies that you’re not good enough to obtain the goals you desire!
HERE ARE 3 SIMPLE BUT NOT EASY TIPS TO HELP YOU OBTAIN THE GOALS AND DREAMS THAT ARE WITHIN YOUR HEART.
1. PRIORITIZE WHAT GOALS YOU REALLY WANT AND DESIRE, THEN WRITE THEM DOWN.
Don’t rush through making this list. Take your time to determine what you really want to accomplish because the achievement of these goals will come at some level of sacrifice. This list is your yes!
2. MAKE A LIST OF THE THINGS YOU CAN ELIMINATE FROM YOUR LIFE & DAILY ROUTINE. THIS CREATES SPACE.
These are your no’s. Remember saying yes to one thing without a no to many other things, will only lead to frustration and failure. You can break this cyclical pattern with a few no’s.
3. SHARE YOUR LIST OF YES AND NO’S WITH A FRIEND. LET A FRIEND HELP YOU WIN.
Choose someone who will hold you accountable to that list. There is no shame in asking for help. Dreams are always better achieved when you have someone cheering you along the way. Your goals are not all on you to be able to succeed. Anyone who says they are totally self made is totally lying. You are better with a support system.
YOUR DREAMS AND GOALS, DON’T JUST HAVE TO STAY IN YOUR HEAD OR YOUR HEART, THEY CAN BECOME A REALITY BEFORE YOUR VERY EYES.
It won’t be easy, it will be hard, you will have some bumps along the way, and you may find yourself at times wanting to give up. But as a sign that hangs in one of my organizational leaders' office basically says, “It’s ok if you want to quit, but don’t do it today, just do it tomorrow. But when tomorrow comes, repeat the same statement that you are reading now.” You can see where that process will take you if you follow it daily. :)
TAKE THIS PROCESS THAT YOU’RE WALKING THROUGH A DAY AT A TIME.
And as you declare a strong YES to what you are going to do, let your NO be just as strong! And if you do that, who knows one day you too will be writing a blog like this for someone else who is in your shoes right now!
Cheering you on,
- Shad
